Growing up in Florida, I had a certain idea of what winter must be like. There would be sleigh bells and ear muffs and a magical landscape of glittery snow falling to the ground.

The reality is not quite as idyllic, in that the sleigh bells are pretty much nonexistent, ear muffs are pretty much nonexistent, and the magical landscape of glittery snow falling to the ground quickly deteriorates into a dismal, brown slush. Oh, and it tends to get very, very cold. It never looked that cold on TV.

Yesterday after work/school, we drove around Fargo and noticed a plethora of brownish-white snowpeople dotting the lawns of fraternities, apartment complexes, and storefronts alike. There was a behemoth snowperson and a silly snowperson and a laying down snowperson.

“Erma!” I said, except that I used her actual name and not Erma, “We should build a snowman tonight!”

“YEAH!” Erma said, and the excitement was on, full blast.

Have I ever made a snowman before? No, I have not. But how hard could it be?

Here are some questions for the snowbuilders out there among you:

  1. How do you get the snow to stick together into one cohesive ball?
  2. How do you get the ball to become big enough to be life-sized?
  3. How do you get the hat to stay on?
  4. How do you shape your snowman to look like a human-esque figure and not like a tree with eyes?

Snowperson-building kits. This is an untapped market.

Oh, wait. Tapped.

Which one is the Snowdoofus? You decide.

By the way, building a snowman almost killed me. I used a shovel to drag snow over to the snowman area. Does that count as exercise? I’ll consult Tony Gazelle to see if it counts. …My heart hurts.

The Snowdoofus had a little accident there on the ground. The Snowdoofus is not ashamed; he knows accidents happen. (And that's okay.)


14 responses to “Snowdoofus

  1. You start with a small ball and then as it gets big you roll it on the ground and it keeps picking up more snow. It’s so fun! Or at least it used to be when I was a kid.

    Nice gloves!

  2. Thanks for starting my day with a hearty belly laugh! 🙂 That is definitely the funniest snowman I have ever seen!

    I only made one snowman in my life (if I remember correctly) and that was with YOU in New Jersey. You were 3. There is a picture somewhere.

    LOVE YOUR COAT! Hat, too!

  3. why is it against the tree? so you just smashed snow onto the the tree? well, that works. No really though, snowpeople are harder to build then you think. You need a certain kind of snow. You can’t just use any old snow on the ground. The best snow is the wet, heavy snow that falls in big flakes, because it has a lot of moisture in it and sticks together well. The snow that falls when it’s cold is too dry.

    • I thought there was a dry versus wet snow factor, and that this was wet snow. It smashed together okay up against the tree. How do you make a freestanding one that doesn’t fall over? Come teach me!

  4. OK!!! I think the trick is to start with a lot of snow…. you need at least probably 4 inches on the ground so that when you start rolling the ball, you pick up a lot of snow. Then just make sure you keep rolling evenly. Also, once you have it standing, some people like to throw some water on the parts you want to reinforce, because it will turn to ice and make the snowperson stand up better.

  5. Oh man. We had a good laugh over this in the office. Jared said “I’m from Africa and I know how to build a snowman!”

    It’s all about having the right kind of snow and applying enough pressure as you roll the ball around so that it gets compact. And having a bucket of water helps!

    I kind of like how it’s casually leaning against the tree. At least you don’t have to worry about adding too many props that way? 🙂

    • Tell Jared that Floridians are not as smart as Africans. Or at least, sillyliss is not as smart as Jared. How’s that for a generalization?

      It took a while for the girl and me to realize that there was no way no how we were getting a scarf around Snowdoofus. Unless it went around the whole tree. Hmm…

  6. omg, I am dying of laughter (I hope I am laughing WITH YOU!!!)! Where was your husband during all of this?? I am sure he knows the proper snowperson etiquette.

  7. Pingback: Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up and Move to Minnesota |

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