Fan Mail

It has come to my attention that I about to become the target of a systematic process of intimidation and manipulation, the likes of which you have never–

Are you ready for this?

Today in the mail, one of you (I’m staring each of you down, one by one as I type this) has sent me a present.

I am determined to find out the who and the why of this unexpected delivery.

Here’s what we know:

1. The envelope is clearly for me and not for Ben.
2. There is a smiley face in lieu of a return address.
3. Envelope arrived ripped open in corner.
4. Post office failed to cancel the mail and thus alert me to the departure location of the envelope.
= An Inside Job.

5. The person supported the Arbor Day Foundation in 2010, but not in 2011 or 2012.
= Waffler.

6. Person used to work for me, then stopped working for me and turned boss card into blogger card.
= Clever.

7. Sender is compulsive. Saw card and HAD to get it for me.
8. Does not believe in end punctuation.
9. Seems to be trying to foist happiness upon me.
= Makes Up Holidays

10. Card was accompanied by this chain. No charm. Just chain and clasp.
= Trying to spook me.

11. Made in China.
12. YGR
= You’re Gonna React.

I will boil this down to the WHO and the WHY.

WHO

A scary and indecisive yet reasonably intelligent friend-of-postal-worker/holiday inventor.

WHY

So I would have something to put in my Worry Jar when I get home from work.

Well played, Person Who Dots Their I’s with Hollow Circles. Well Played.

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6 responses to “Fan Mail

  1. Another clue: The chain clearly used to belong to Claire.
    = thief and/or abductor of Claire (or something even more nefarious)
    or
    = Claire herself

  2. That was sweet of whomever the nefarious (I like that word!) admirer is ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Oh no!!!! I KNEW i should have used a bubble mailer!! I was told since it was less than 1/4 of an inch thick, it would be ok.
    The necklace seriously wasnt in there?? ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
    It was so cute!
    It was a russian nesting doll locket that looked exactly like your LJ icon.

  4. I was being a little sneaky – I figured you might have fun trying to figure out who it was from. Since it should have been postmarked from Ohio, I thought it wouldn’t be too hard! And I have girly handwriting, not creepy monster handwriting, so it shouldn’t be scary, theoretically? And there are flowers! And purple! And SMILES! Haha.
    The card was the sturdiest around that I had to protect the locket, but apparently not sturdy enough!
    Oh well. I tried!
    Here’s a picture:

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