Vanilla Ice

Stop. Collaborate and listen.
Sillyliss is back with her brand new intention.
The handlebars I grab a hold of tightly.
Going too fast? Tap the coaster brakes lightly.
Then I stop at the stop sign, looking leftly and rightly.
Will I ever stop? Yo — I don’t know.
Erma says, “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”

If I’ve got a cruiser, yo, I’ll ride it.
Check out the spokes while I stumble then I hide it.
Vanilla Ice, Ice Baby.

I’m cruising around the ‘hood on my brand new Beach Bike with my daughter behind me calling out, “Mommy! Wait for me!” Then I coolly steer into the neighbor’s front lawn.

Look both ways. No traffic? Okay, go ahead. Wait. Wait. Wait. I'm stuck.

As we spin our wheels, I impart wisdom on her to carry her through her life. I talk to her about life, the essence of it. I am spouting off every knowledgeable thing I have ever thought, and I realize she is not listening to a word of it because she sees a dog and for some reason it is hilarious.

"You gotta separate your lights and your darks. You don't want to wash them together. I don't know why, but it's what I've been told."

We cycle past the kids on scooters blasting their Vanilla Ice wannabe music from their driveway. Everyday I’m shuffling. Or at least on a Saturday morning while I try to remember how to ride a bicycle.

Then I come in for the landing. I’m a scene out of Titanic. I’m sailing away on my bike.

My heart will go. In just a minute. After I catch my breath. Just gonna lay here for a while and try not to die.

I am every mixed metaphor. I’m out there and I’m loving it!

Finally, I’m back here and I’m tired and I don’t WANNA bike to the Oasis, because I’m a wimp. “Don’t be a wimp, Mommy,” Erma wisely imparts wisdom upon me.

And we sing.

Ice, icy baby.


22 responses to “Vanilla Ice

  1. Love it! Love the pictures too!

  2. I absolutely LOVE every song reference. Or the appearance that reading 18th century political literature with a migraine can be. Totally made my evening.

    Just wait til she loses the training wheels…dun dun dun.

  3. It may be time to update the laundry rules. More about that later. πŸ˜‰

  4. Here’s to a season of family fun times on bikes!

    And if there are any philosophical questions about bike riding, I think Erma probably has the answers.

  5. Miss Erma is making me want a popsicle something fierce!

  6. Your photo captions are great! I see people riding bikes with their kids and it seems like such an essential family thing that I’m so afraid I’m going to have to buy a bike someday. Do children whose parents don’t ride bikes with them all grow up to be serial killer, do you think? Probably.

    • My parents went on about seven bike rides with me total. Then they never rode their bicycles again. I plan to follow suit. And if that makes me or them a serial killer, well, so be it!

  7. Grape is my favorite! You guys are crazy.

  8. Just one question – where’s your helmet, missy?

    • It hadn’t come in yet. Lucky for my head, we didn’t go fast enough to have a bad crash.

      But now I have my helmet, so if the helmet police come along, I will be in full compliance. Also, I’m going to wear my helmet in the car.

  9. Blog – totally pimped, but I love it.
    No one really explained why the lights and darks must be separated, but shhh, some days I just throw the whole basket in there and let the stronger clothes survive.

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