Hey Culligan Man!

It’s no secret that in America and other important places around the world, we like to drink our water out of drums. We want to see a big drum of water, and then we want to squirt that water into assorted containment items as a conduit to our mouths. (I try to push the cups.)

We order our water from the Culligan Man. It’s kind of a big deal.

The Culligan Man (he has no real name, far as I can tell) delivers the drums once a month. They are stored in the hallway, sort of on display for all to see. HEY CULLIGAN MAN!, we proclaim with our drums.

As the month goes on, we drink drum after drum of water. Mostly we transport the water from the drum to the coffee machine, but it is also used for tea, oatmeal, and even, on occasion, the straight-up drinking of agua.

Long story short (not really, sorry), when the drum is empty, we have to take the empty container off of the water machine and put the new drum on. Guess who does that? XTREME people, that’s who. Mostly tiny secretaries with close to no muscle tone.

But THIS month, YESTERDAY, in fact, the Culligan Man showed up when we were pretty close to the end of the drum. My coworker pointed out that if we could just use up that water, the Culligan Man could change the drum for us.

So we all gathered around the water cooler to drink as much water as we could. Did we do it? Did we finish the drum and alleviate ourselves of the turning of the new water bottle?

*drum roll*


That was a lot of water.

I have to go to the bathroom.


19 responses to “Hey Culligan Man!

  1. I always get such a laugh out of your posts! Thank you!

  2. The things we do to save a little work! Pardon me, I don’t mean to imply that switching one of those things is easy, as I know they’re not. I can just picture all of your coworkers gathered around, guzzling water as quickly as humanly-possible.

    At least you got your eight glasses for the day!

  3. Too cute!

    I totally don’t get the whole “water in a drum” thing. We have some of the cleanest tap water in the world (literally) yet we want it processed more. I have to admit that I fill my bottle from the drum vs. the tap when one is available, though…

    • I think we have the drum because we don’t have access to tap water. Well, there’s a water fountain, but it’s way down the wall. Who has the time to be doing all that walking??? 😉

  4. I haaated having to be the person to put the bottle back on at my old job. We at least just refilled the same bottle, and the lid had a hole cut out of it so water would come out, just not as fast, to make flipping it easier.

    • That sounds like a really complicated system. Could you possibly draw a picture of this procedure? … On a cake?

    • They have improved on the water cooler jug (bottle) opening design. Now, instead of the large, gaping hole, some of them have a plastic thingy that does not allow water out until it is on the machine cooler thingy. One slight problem; alignment. You have to align the probe that sticks out of the machine thingy with the small bullseye type hole in the jug (bottle). I’m making it sound more complicated than it is, but when you are holding the jug (bottle) upside down while trying to get the thing in the proper alignment, you almost wish you could spill water all over the floor instead…. almost.

  5. In our house we have the Glenfiddich Man -our father… who delivers also once a month, and incredible as it seems, we go through the same problems … hahaha
    Nice post… cheers!

  6. Must be hard to move after that!

    Maybe Culligan has an extra-cost option that includes lifting heavy jugs.

    Failing that, how about some nice new big plants for the office!

    • We have tons of plants that we routinely forget to water! Dad, where were you when I was drinking three gallons of water??? You could have saved EVERYTHING!

  7. Wow that is a lot of water lol!

  8. I used to be super nervous about replacing the water cooler bottle (we call them bottles here in good ol’ PA). I would even go so far as to leave a little bit left so the next person would have to change it. We have no Xtreme people to change the water for us. But I have gotten pretty good at it. Helps that we have a minifridge right next to the water cooler so I can rest the bottle there before performing the right-side-up to up-side-down maneuver.

  9. Are the Culligan men as cute as the Deer Park guys were at my old office?

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