In our house growing up, we owned the book and the record (yes, the LP!) of Free to Be You and Me. It’s a Marlo Thomas production. You know, the wife of Phil Donahue? The talk show host? Sally Jessy Raphael’s biggest daytime rival? Does any of this mean anything to you? How about Ricki Lake saying, “Talk to the ‘and!”?
Well, all you need to know is that Marlo Thomas taught me that Parents Are People. People with children.
She forgot, in her gender-boundary-breaking variety show, to tell me that parents are people with children who never, ever, ever, ever get a full night’s sleep.
Unless it’s just me. Unless every other parent is getting a full night’s sleep except for me. This is possible, but I’m too tired to care. (Oh, wait. Hi, Cakesy! Did you seriously just post the same thing I did? If so, I think I have a suggestion for you…)
Actually, sleep in our house has improved somewhat. We don’t have any newborns at this moment. (And no, I’m not pregnant. IT’S JUST THE SHIRT.)
That is how those two little chicken nuggets trick me! They start to sleep better, and my body gets to used to it. Then one of them (Sigourney) realizes that she is getting away with something and changes it up — or changes it back — to no sleep.
One night not too long ago (I’ll call it Monday), Sigourney decided to wake up at 2 a.m. and proceed to pound on my stomach for approximately two hours while I hovered between the realms of consciousness and Nod. Eventually I started feeling sick to my stomach about it, and for reasons I cannot explain, this led me to finally opt for a pill to help me sleep/help me not get sick.
Four in the morning is not really a good starting point for a sleep-inducing drug. The next day at work was pretty miserable. Until!
Until I realized that the absence of the boxes under my desk had created the perfect sanctuary.
I actually fell asleep under my desk. It was one of the best naps I’ve ever had.
When I emerged (a bit to the surprise of my coworker, which, I have to admit, was kind of the best part), she asked me why I had not opted to go up to the third floor of our building and sleep in the hallway.
Is that not ludicrous?
There is the perfect space under my desk!
This weekend, I am attempting to bunk my two chicken nuggets in the same ketchup holder. That is, I want Sigourney and Erma to sleep together. They can stay up all night pounding on each others’ stomachs if they want.
Do I think this is a good idea? No. But I am optimistic (hi, Mom!) that I will have a good blog post at the end of it. If I’m awake enough to write it up.
I think I’ll bring a pillow to work. To keep under my desk.