A Bit of Perspective

A neato mosquito presentation of perspective pictures plopped into my inbox yesterday. After my initial amazement, I thought, how hard can it be? I can do this.

You know what? There is a reason perspective photography is art. And science. And also, I clearly do not know how to use my camera. These things will be obvious in one moment when you scroll down and look at:


I hope you are sitting down. (Or standing up but waiting in line at the DMV, watching your children on the playground, or in the drive thru of a Starbucks.)

The bird is eating Strawberry Fields Tic Tacs. Isn't this amazing? No? Well, then, think about this: why isn't the bird eating ORANGE Tic Tacs? Why would anybody eat any flavor of Tic Tacs that is NOT ORANGE?

I know you're not looking at the AMAZING thing I have done with my fingers and that sign and instead you are focused on how the heck a person is supposed to back into an angled parking spot. The official answer is: it can't be done. I've tried a thousand times, haven't gotten it right once.

More AMAZING fancy fingerwork by sillyliss. Am I going to squish her? Yes, I am. Oh man, this is AMAZING. Hey there. Wake up, the next one doesn't involve my fingers.

Are you currently being AMAZED at how Erma's head appears to be pouring out of a Newman's Own Lite Honey Mustard dressing bottle? No? Maybe it would have been more impressive if she wasn't busy eating a cupcake and instead was concentrating on my photo shoot. The nerve.

Amazing, huh? You know what the secret is? I put the bow on a fork. You probably would never have known if I hadn't told you. Now you know my secrets, you can take AMAZING photos like this one.

Note: in case you thought that the mess of a cupcake you see before you was my own screw-up, it was not. In fact, it was not a screw-up at all (except for the part where I let the kids eat chocolate cupcakes without thinking of the mess of children/floors/clothes/furniture on the horizon). It was a cupcake from Fargo’s own Angel Cups. I recommend the banana cream pie cupcake and the turkey sandwich on croissant.

How did the nesting doll lip balm grow arms? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE. But wait, there's more...

Giant bell lady holds up finger holes. AMAZING.

It's Gorbachev sniffing a cup of coffee. Have a nice daisy!

This is where things started to fall apart. I mean, up until now, everything was AMAZING, but then: pig nesting doll with a candle stick coming out of his head, sitting on a stack of coasters. I don't even know.

Then the Sherlock Holmes nesting doll wanted to look like he was sitting on a spoon, but it didn't work out quite at all.

The Alice in Wonderland nesting doll wanted to look like a regular-sized human about to stick her wooden head in the oven. I advised against this.

In conclusion, someone should probably take away my camera and my nesting dolls and never allow me anywhere near the internet again. On the other hand, I do have a pretty adorable kid from any perspective. The end.


19 responses to “A Bit of Perspective

  1. “Why would anybody eat any flavor of Tic Tacs that is NOT ORANGE?”
    I said this exact phrase to my sister last night. EXACT PHRASE.

    • It’s a standard idiom attributed to The Bard.

      But seriously, I was lured by the name Strawberry Fields, and as I was chewing them (does anyone actually, like, suck on a Tic Tac), I wondered (aloud, possibly) why they were making non-orange flavors. WHY strawberry fields tic tacs WHY?

  2. Orange tic tacs are gross. Otherwise, all is cuteness!

  3. Astounding camera work! That was hilarious and so inventive!

    • If this is a euphemism for “job not well done,” then I thank you. I took about 50 pictures, and let me tell you, these were actually the best of the bunch. LOL.

  4. My favorites were the Bell Lady and Suicide Alice.

    I eat only orange or white tic tacs, but only when someone else has them. I think I gave bought exactly 1 package of tic tacs in my entire life.

    • I have to tell you, secretly, I kind of love Suicide Alice. I think she’s awesome. If I could have been artsy enough to put her head in the oven, I would have. But it looked a little too dirty for my hundred dollar nesting doll, so back on the shelf she went. Ha ha.

  5. I am in amazement that you found nesting doll lip balm – it’s perfect! πŸ™‚

  6. I gotta say, that last picture is all kinds of adorable!

  7. Ha! I love the salad dressing bottle lol.

  8. I think some of those photos in the link are probably photoshopped. Because how could you get both plains of distance to be in perfect focus? I now nothing about photography though.
    I only like light green tic tacs (wintergreen)
    You collect nesting dolls? My sister recently got me this cool measuring cup set that is matryoshka dolls! I am so into them. I was hoping Corbin was a girl mostly so that I could have a matryoshka themed nursery.

    • I don’t have the measuring cups, but I do have measuring spoon matryoshkas! I am really curious how you would have done the nesting doll themed nursery. That would only have been incredible and amazing.

      I’m sure you’re right about photoshop. However, I don’t even know how to use photoshop to bring both items into focus. Harumph.

      Back to the wintergreen tic tacs. Whaaaah?

      • I think it’s two separate pictures that they photoshop together. But I admit to knowing nothing.
        What, you don’t like the light green ones. My grandpa noticed that I like the light green ones (they’re a pale mint, not lime-y or anything), and he would bring me some every time he saw me. I think I still have one little container in my dresser, and he died 5 years ago. I hadn’t thought about that in years, so thanks for the post! πŸ™‚ My grandpa was awesome.

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