A sleep machine.
Actually, what i need more than ANY OTHER THING is sleep; a sleep machine seems like the answer to all that ails me with a side bonus of meditation and cure-all serenity.
The answer is one hundred dollars. That, my friend, will get you adaptive noise and volume control along with about a hundred (or ten) different sound + sleep noises.
We have listened to all the no-prescription-needed, scientifically-engineered sounds at this point; we are back to the regular ol’ floor fan. Personally, I liked the rain and the meditation music the best, but baby disagreed.