Scary Clumps of Floatmeal

Bubbles = good. Oatmeal = bad. Simple math-anxiety principles at play here.

I have a lot of irrational fears and worries: lightning, flying, clown faces appearing in darkened windows.

But here is a new one:

Fear of oatmeal.

My daughter has it.

I gave Erma an Aveeno bath to soothe her scraped up marathon knee. I plopped the non-injured Sigourney in as well, just for good measure.

At first, Erma was delighted by the fact that the brownish water made her toes disappear…and reappear! And disappear! And reappear! Voila!

Then she saw a floating clump of oatmeal. SHE FREAKED OUT. It was a literal EEEEE moment.

“It’s just oatmeal,” I told her. “It’s an oatmeal bath.”

“Get it out! Get it out!” Erma shrieked.

I crushed the oatmeal and dissolved it into the bath water. But Erma was not to be fooled. She knew it was there…somewhere…lurking in her bath.

Meanwhile, she managed to keep her knee completely out of the bath so that it would not be harmed by alien oatmeal clumps, thus negating the magical healing powers of the oatmeal bath in its entirety. (Although Sigourney did find it to be one of the yummiest baths she’s ever tasted. And let me tell you that she has sampled a LOT of bathwater.)

In summary, we have learned:

Things Oatmeal Is Good for:

  • Cookies (with chocolate)
  • Breakfast (also with chocolate)
  • Scaring small children

Things Oatmeal Is Not Good for:

  • Keeping Mom sane through bathtime

I’m scared of a lot of ridiculous things, such as the prospect of icicles  stabbing me as I walk down a wintry street or accidentally swallowing a bug.

But this guy? Does this guy look scary to you?

Look closer:



24 responses to “Scary Clumps of Floatmeal

  1. Why, I eat “that guy” for breakfast!

    (Or at least I did up to now.)

  2. You’re right, he is scary!! And I’m with you, Erma. I don’t think I’d like oatmeal in my bath either!

  3. This story is almost as funny as … my last post! 🙂

    You had an oatmeal bath when you had the chicken pox. I don’t remember any antics. I have no stories to tell! 😦

    • It’s the Special K challenge for men. Thanks to eating all those oats (and bathing in them?), now the Quakerman can fit into those bathing trunks that have been at the back of his sock drawer for the past century!

  4. I don’t blame her at all.
    Items we should NOT be bathing in: food

    • It’s called efficiency. You can sleep twenty more minutes in the morning if you can bathe and eat your bathwater for breakfast. This is the food revolution, Birdman! (Oops, I mean Birdguy!)

  5. Excellent! All joy. HF

    • Wow, I am honored by your presence, HF! I read your brog, somewhat infrequently. Also, apparently, my fingers call it a brog. Great new typo, blog brother!

      • Hey, I’d rather be brog brother. It makes it personal. Actually, I slipped over after reading Linda’s blog. She cracks me up, but don’t tell her. Her head is too big already. Enjoyed your blog. It created great visuals in my mind. Also, love that your mom commented. All joy. HF

  6. I laughed so hard when I saw the dolled-up (aliened-up?) Quaker Oats guy. I’m in a library! That’s not allowed!

  7. I learned from an American colleague that this oatmeal is wonderful for itchy skin. Also when my daughter had chicken pox. 😉

    • I bought it when I had scabies. Talk about itchy skin! It wasn’t really scabies, but I went to see a nurse about my severe allergic reaction and she diagnosed it as scabies. Ahoy scabies! (And it really did help, more than any other over-the-counter drug I tried.)

  8. Hahahahaha! He looked frightening to me even before the second photo! There’s just something about that colonial attire that screams ‘my wife was a child bride’.

  9. Haha! Well I don’t blame her at all for being scared of Oatmeal (now!) Thank you for the oatmeal summary! Ha! I’ve never been scared of getting stabbed by an icicles (until now!) and I have never been scared of the Oatmeal man (until now!). This post has really changed my life (now that I think about it)! LOL Sillyliss! 😀

  10. A little late but aren”t you supposed to put the oatmeal in a mesh like bag? No scary lumps and no mess afterwards. No good story either though 🙂

    Now get your behind back to lj!!! Will I keep this up? I sure will.

  11. Scary! Next time you could try a milk and oatmeal bath and just tell her she’s eating her breakfast in the bath 😉

  12. I’m with your daughter. I’d be bothered by clumps appearing in my bath. Oatmeal is for eating.

  13. So so funny, I can hear the panicking from here. Oh wait, that’s my daughter, I believe she saw an ant.
    Also, I am TERRIFIED of faces appearing in darkened windows. Not clown ones, specifically, but I seriously can’t even look at my windows when it’s dark outside but light in my house because I’m SO SCARED a face will be there. Have you seen The Strangers!? Thats what did it to me.

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