I have a lot of irrational fears and worries: lightning, flying, clown faces appearing in darkened windows.
But here is a new one:
Fear of oatmeal.
My daughter has it.
I gave Erma an Aveeno bath to soothe her scraped up marathon knee. I plopped the non-injured Sigourney in as well, just for good measure.
At first, Erma was delighted by the fact that the brownish water made her toes disappear…and reappear! And disappear! And reappear! Voila!
Then she saw a floating clump of oatmeal. SHE FREAKED OUT. It was a literal EEEEE moment.
“It’s just oatmeal,” I told her. “It’s an oatmeal bath.”
“Get it out! Get it out!” Erma shrieked.
I crushed the oatmeal and dissolved it into the bath water. But Erma was not to be fooled. She knew it was there…somewhere…lurking in her bath.
Meanwhile, she managed to keep her knee completely out of the bath so that it would not be harmed by alien oatmeal clumps, thus negating the magical healing powers of the oatmeal bath in its entirety. (Although Sigourney did find it to be one of the yummiest baths she’s ever tasted. And let me tell you that she has sampled a LOT of bathwater.)
In summary, we have learned:
Things Oatmeal Is Good for:
- Cookies (with chocolate)
- Breakfast (also with chocolate)
- Scaring small children
Things Oatmeal Is Not Good for:
- Keeping Mom sane through bathtime
I’m scared of a lot of ridiculous things, such as the prospect of icicles stabbing me as I walk down a wintry street or accidentally swallowing a bug.
But this guy? Does this guy look scary to you?