We turned on the local news last night to see if Flathead was going to receive his 15 seconds of fame. He had attended the Venus in Transit event at the local planetarium, and the news crews were out in full force.
I don’t often watch commercial television because I prefer to spend my wee amount of free time in the evenings
writing the great American novel screwing around on the internet.
Therefore, I was aghast that the local news featured the following urgent and informative stories:
- Barbecue grill safety (with demonstration of how to burn your arm if your arm was actually a stick covered in a paper towel covered in Banana Boat sunscreen, which you then decided to stick directly into propane grill)
- Hazardous plant bombs in small town mailboxes and what to do if you see your mailbox is foaming
- Two houses being moved from a flood plain to somewhere not disclosed
- Man with 27 DWIs back in jail after breaking probation by driving a car without a license
- Scott Walker re-elected (he’s only two states over from us!)
- Retailers cashing in on zombie craze (zombie craze being psychotic criminals eating people and local retailers are somehow making money off of this — how nice)
- Dinosaur bones stolen out of a local storage unit (admittedly an interesting tidbit — be on the lookout for somebody trying to sell you ill-begotten fossils!)
Not featured: Venus in Transit. Argh!
Ah well. There’s still Ribfest: you buy the meat and sides are our treat! I feel like this is a mantra that could apply to many situations.