Top Ten Reasons I Need a Place at the Lake

Up until yesterday, I had no idea why everybody in Fargo-Moorhead would leave work on a Friday afternoon, head to Minnesota to “lakes country” and drive back on Sunday afternoon. That’s a waste of a weekend! When are you going to clean the house, fold laundry, run errands, and drive each other crazy with boredom if not on the weekend?

But now I know. I have been converted to the religion of Going to the Lake.

The only thing standing in my way is that I don’t, technically, have a place at the lake, as of yet. Somebody should definitely buy or rent me a lake place straightaway, before I’m losing my religion. Save my soul!

  1. Sand. Sand has been missing from my life (and soul) since moving from the Florida coast. I forgot how sand attaches to you, not unlike the leeches that are rumored to also attach themselves to you in the lake. (Fortunately, we brought home only sandy bottoms and no leeches.)
  2. Board Games. I could play board games at home, but do I? Not unless you count Chutes and Ladders, and that’s more of a bored game. At the lake, if it rains you pretty much HAVE to play board games.
  3. Technology Shabbat. We try to do this as a family every weekend, where we take a break from the technology that absorbs us the rest of the week, but let’s just say that one of us has a hard time staying off the computer. And let’s also say that this person is me. If I was at the lake all weekend, I bet I’d really ace that Technology Shabbat.
  4. Chipmunks. Chipmunks that come within two feet of where you are sitting. Chipmunks with cute little stripes on their back. Chipmunks eating blueberries and chipmunks eating cheerios and chipmunks eating leeches. It’s a fairytale wonderland of cute, non-rabid critters!
  5. Work on my Farmer’s Tan. If I played with the leeches all day, for sure my ghostly white skin would start to brown. For free! Thanks, Mr. Sun!
  6. Exercise. Guaranteed, I would lose at least five pounds per weekend with my exercise regimen of swimming, volleyball, and paddleboating. I would definitely not be sitting in a chair yelling at the kids with a mocktail in one hand and a bottle of Evian water in the other hand.
  7. Relaxation. I could sit in a chair yelling at the kids with a mocktail in one hand and a bottle of Evian water in the other hand. Less stress = less anxiety. One out of one therapist recommends it.
  8. Traffic Nostalgia. Driving back from the lakes to Fargo on a Sunday night takes me back to the bumper-to-bumper rat race at rush hour on the Howard Frankenstein bridge in Tampa-St. Pete. Oh, those were the days and those were the commutes.
  9. Sandcastles. I could work on my dream achievement of becoming an award winning sand sculptor.ย  Or I could just read a lot of trashy paperbacks while drinking mocktails, Evian water, and yelling at the kids.
  10. Leeches. I don’t know much about them, so this would be a good opportunity to invest in a new anxiety. From wikipedia: After feeding, the leech will detach and depart. Internal attachments, such as inside the nasal passage or vaginal attachments, are more likely to require medical intervention.

One more thing. Whoever buys me this lake place, I promise to invite you over for at least one afternoon to enjoy yourself. Come for the Evian water; stay for the leeches.

“STOP DOING THAT TO YOUR SISTER!”

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34 responses to “Top Ten Reasons I Need a Place at the Lake

  1. I like your honesty, but I don’t like the thought of ‘medical intervention’ with leeches. Makes me shudder.

  2. I’m sold! No leeches for me!! I mean, no lakes. ๐Ÿ™‚ And now I have the heebie-jeebies!

    • I only heard about the leeches from my coworkers now that I’m safely back in the no-laze zone (aka Fargo). I didn’t see any leeches. I saw a frog, a chipmunk, a bluebird, a bluegill, and some minnows. No leeches. But what if they are in there? Just waiting to suck somebody’s vagina off????

  3. I thought that salt kills leeches?

    Also chipmunks are totes adorbs. I took a walk during a class break on Thursday and saw one and we had a staring contest and it was fuzzy!

    • According to wikipedia (and I don’t advise doing this research yourself), using salt or other means (fire, knives, etc.) to remove leeches may cause them to vomit into your open wound and infect you with some kind of leech-carrying disease. There. I have just made myself gag typing it up. I hope you’re happy.

      *thinks about chipmunks*

  4. haha I like that last picture you did.

  5. I really like some of this post. I really dislike some of this post as certain things give me nightmares and make my skin crawl….like these mocktails? I think NOT!….shudders.

  6. I understand that leeches are actually used in medical treatment these days, so you may want to keep a few on tap in the medicine cabinet when nothing else works.

  7. Oh, I loved most of this post–lovely flashbacks to childhood summers at a lake in Upstate NY… blueberry picking, hiking, etc. Had to bring up the leeches? Luckily they never attached to my nether regions, but still, plenty o’ other places. And yes, we had a box of Mortons on the dock. Guess those leeches just vomited all over me each summer.

    • Now blueberry picking in upstate New York DOES sound idyllic. I bet you didn’t even have ticks in New York.

      Sorry about the leech vomit. I guess you made it out of childhood unscathed, at any rate. ๐Ÿ˜€

  8. jeandayfriday

    We have a lake house and it is a fun retreat! ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. A friend of mine had leech therapy when he had surgery on his finger. It worked! The leeches saved his finger! Not all leeches are bad leeches.

    • I remember, now that you mention it. That was an incredible story. And he was a brave, brave man. Leeches have a bad rep. All the same, keep them away from my genitals.

  10. I want to go to your lake house!! I love going to the lake, but like you, have no lake place. You should get one and then I will come visit. I hate leeches but really, they aren’t as bad as you think. They are fairly large, so if you have one on you, you can easily pull it off….. not like ticks, which are smaller and therefore harder to make sure you have them all.

  11. Oh, invite me when you get your lake house! That’s awesome you were able to relax, even if it meant no computer ๐Ÿ™‚

  12. Well, you sure sold me on the idea.

    My wife didn’t need selling. Our next house, she insists, must be next to a some sort of body of water.

    • I wanted to live in Duluth with a house right on Lake Superior. That was my previous dream. Then we lived on the river and we were constantly dealing with flood and near-flood situations. Now I’m content to live near water but not right on it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  13. This is my idea of a holiday! In fact, the sandy parts are going to be a major part of our CAMPING TRIP THIS WEEK!!!!!!!!!! OMGOMGI”MSOEXCITED!!!!!

  14. Ok, I will buy you the lake house, but seeing as I will be coming all the way over from England to visit, I think it’s only fair that you let me stay more than one afternoon? Maybe widen the time frame a little bit to cover a brunch and an early bird dinner?

  15. The only leeches we saw the whole week were the ones that we bought at the bait shop ๐Ÿ™‚ Hopefully that makes you feel a little better!

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