Up until yesterday, I had no idea why everybody in Fargo-Moorhead would leave work on a Friday afternoon, head to Minnesota to “lakes country” and drive back on Sunday afternoon. That’s a waste of a weekend! When are you going to clean the house, fold laundry, run errands, and drive each other crazy with boredom if not on the weekend?
But now I know. I have been converted to the religion of Going to the Lake.
The only thing standing in my way is that I don’t, technically, have a place at the lake, as of yet. Somebody should definitely buy or rent me a lake place straightaway, before I’m losing my religion. Save my soul!
- Sand. Sand has been missing from my life (and soul) since moving from the Florida coast. I forgot how sand attaches to you, not unlike the leeches that are rumored to also attach themselves to you in the lake. (Fortunately, we brought home only sandy bottoms and no leeches.)
- Board Games. I could play board games at home, but do I? Not unless you count Chutes and Ladders, and that’s more of a bored game. At the lake, if it rains you pretty much HAVE to play board games.
- Technology Shabbat. We try to do this as a family every weekend, where we take a break from the technology that absorbs us the rest of the week, but let’s just say that one of us has a hard time staying off the computer. And let’s also say that this person is me. If I was at the lake all weekend, I bet I’d really ace that Technology Shabbat.
- Chipmunks. Chipmunks that come within two feet of where you are sitting. Chipmunks with cute little stripes on their back. Chipmunks eating blueberries and chipmunks eating cheerios and chipmunks eating leeches. It’s a fairytale wonderland of cute, non-rabid critters!
- Work on my Farmer’s Tan. If I played with the leeches all day, for sure my ghostly white skin would start to brown. For free! Thanks, Mr. Sun!
- Exercise. Guaranteed, I would lose at least five pounds per weekend with my exercise regimen of swimming, volleyball, and paddleboating. I would definitely not be sitting in a chair yelling at the kids with a mocktail in one hand and a bottle of Evian water in the other hand.
- Relaxation. I could sit in a chair yelling at the kids with a mocktail in one hand and a bottle of Evian water in the other hand. Less stress = less anxiety. One out of one therapist recommends it.
- Traffic Nostalgia. Driving back from the lakes to Fargo on a Sunday night takes me back to the bumper-to-bumper rat race at rush hour on the Howard Frankenstein bridge in Tampa-St. Pete. Oh, those were the days and those were the commutes.
- Sandcastles. I could work on my dream achievement of becoming an award winning sand sculptor. Or I could just read a lot of trashy paperbacks while drinking mocktails, Evian water, and yelling at the kids.
- Leeches. I don’t know much about them, so this would be a good opportunity to invest in a new anxiety. From wikipedia: After feeding, the leech will detach and depart. Internal attachments, such as inside the nasal passage or vaginal attachments, are more likely to require medical intervention.
One more thing. Whoever buys me this lake place, I promise to invite you over for at least one afternoon to enjoy yourself. Come for the Evian water; stay for the leeches.