Introducing My New Line of Aromatherapy Products

Danielle* suggested that one anxiety coping mechanism is to find a calming scent and keep it close at hand.

I took this to mean go on a shopping spree and buy as much perfume as my heart desires.

Otherwise, I would just have to move to the beach (ahh, that lovely sea salt air of the Gulf of Mexico) or wire myself bouquets of roses every day (wouldn’t my work desk look nice, though?).

I hit up my favorite local variety store, Zanzbroz (not its real name) and doused myself in every scented offering in the store. I tried Bonfire (smoke, smoke, I’m going to choke), Paperback (smelled both musky and musty…I like books, but no thanks…I’ll check back when they come out with an eau de e-reader), and Thunderstorm (smelled good, actually, but the name of it could send me into a panic attack at a moment’s notice).

I bought a candle that smells like Henry David Thoreau, a bottle of kimono rose hand soap, and a notebook that didn’t smell like anything but had a nesting doll pattern on the front of it.

Still. These scents are good. BUT they just don’t do it for me. They aren’t calming, feel-good smells like Flathead’s t-shirt at the end of the day or cookies in the oven before they start to burn. (They always burn eventually. Why is that?)

If I had my choice of soothing scents, here is what the SILLYLISS line of products would look like:

That smell that settles in after it rains. It must be moisture on the grass and the leaves of trees. I love it. It’s ALMOST as relaxing as the beach.

This perfume contains only the finest of ingredients: the skin of newborns that has been bottled in part with the contented sighs of sleeping babes. You have to bottle this scent fast, like you’re catching a firefly, because it is gone in a heartbeat.

When you’re alone and life is making you lonely, just hop a flight to New York City and promenade down the major thoroughfares (Fifth Avenue, Broadway, Times Square, 42nd Street…). You will encounter the very best smell of street nuts. I can’t guarantee the sanitation of the street food, but you should take a health chance on the nuts, because they are worth it. Or just stand near the nuts and smell them until someone realizes you’re acting like a weirdo and punches you in the face, then mugs you. Nuts!

I’m not sure if I can technically stick the SILLYLISS logo on this. When Sigourney comes home with the lingering scent of sunscreen, I just want to inhale her. It must have coconut oil or something in it.

I guess, in summary, I *could* just buy a bottle of baby sunscreen, put the SILLYLISS label over it to hide my bizarre fetishes, and leave it on my desk at work for stressful moments.

Or I could go back to Zanzbroz and buy up the entire Paddywax Library line of candles so that I could breathe in the serene aroma of my favorite dead authors whenever I find myself spinning a bit out of control. It’s practically kismet. If Edgar Allen Poe can’t get me through an episode, who can? I mean, besides Danielle…

*I like to think of her as my life coach, my mentor, my post-high school guidance counselor. Does she exist in real life? Is she an invisible bunny? I can’t tell you. It’s very hush-hush.

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14 responses to “Introducing My New Line of Aromatherapy Products

  1. They have the Demeter line of perfumes at Zanbroz right? I bought a similar scent to paperback to try, and it’s ok, but it doesn’t smell like books… you know, the glue and ink smell? That’s what I like. I would buy your line of perfumes because I love all those smells. I love newborn baby skin, the grass after it rains, especially in the spring… and also the nuts! I forgot how great the roasting nuts in NYC smell. Yummm!!!

  2. I don’t think you hit the right scent that would work for me. Not food – food would make me want to eat. Keep talking. I’ll let you know if you’ve hit on something.

  3. I’ll take a bottle of the Wet Vegatarian! Mmmmm . . . . I love that smell! πŸ˜€

  4. I like your panic button πŸ˜‰ I think my smell would be something with cinnamon. Or maybe the baby smell. Or coconut, that’s always good, too! Shoot, I just can’t decide…

  5. Your first one, ‘Wet Vegetation’, I read as ‘Wet Vegetarian’, at first and I just thought eugghh!!!

  6. The Quiet Magpie

    Baby skin? Have you read the book “Perfume” by Patrick Suskind?

  7. workingmommawithababy

    “It smells like nuts” is my favorite. Made me laugh heartily. And you are right, the smell of baby sunscreen is addictive.

  8. I’ll take wet vegetation candle! And, strange as it sounds, I love the smell of asphalt when it’s just started to rain. I think it reminds of me of going back to school in September when I was a kid.

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