In honor of American’s 236th birthday, I present to you something more American than apple pie: my t-shirt collection.
The essence of America is punk rock, Jazzercise, and men who aren’t afraid to wear sequins. Also, this is the end-all and be-all of my t-shirt collection. What is it about t-shirts? I never wear them. Ever.
If that’s not America enough for you, how about these girls?
Red-white-and-blue popsicles. You know you’re not in France, Australia, or Norway when you see these three colors together. Am I right or am I right?
Happy birthday, America! You are still just a toddler of a nation, having your temper tantrums when you don’t get your way, always wanting the opposite of what is good for you, and never ever ever ever ever letting anybody get enough sleep at night.