El Poco Loco

MandMs

Any day that ends with a plate of M&Ms can’t be bad, can it?

Do you enjoy being tortured? I’m not talking about having to wait a few months before the premiere of the third season of Downton Abbey. I’m talking iron maiden, waterboarding, tarring and feathering (that is real? oh my gosh, do NOT, I repeat, do NOT look up “methods of torture” on wikipedia).

Seeing an asthma specialist is a lot like those other methods of torture, except you have to pay a hefty fee afterward.

Torture #1: The Waiting Room

Waiting at the Doctor

How quickly does a two-year-old get tired of sitting in a waiting room? Faster than the time it took you to read that sentence. She played with some crayons for approximately one-and-a-half minutes, then announced, “All done crayons.”

Torture #2: The Nose Smear

Here comes a blue bulb syringe to suck your snot out. If it turns purple, you’ve got a sinus infection. Will it turn purple? Will it turn purple?

Get Your Nose Smeared Here

 

It turned purple! YOU WIN!!! a 21-day antibiotic to be taken orally two times a day. Enjoy.

Torture #3: More Waiting

On the other hand, yum-yums and iPad were readily available. The only person tortured was Mom, who did not bring any food for herself.

All Aboard the Pain Train

Torture #4: Prick Your Back with a Rubber Tack

I don’t know if it was rubber, but it rhymed nicely, didn’t it? The purple letters tickled her back, but the injections of the allergic reactions made her squirm and whimper. Then she had to not smear the globby stuff on her back for 15 minutes. I kept her still for about one-and-a-half minutes, which was a record.

Bandage Bows

She didn’t win the allergy test. She lost. No allergies to dust, dander, or mold.

Torture #5: Small Enclosed Spaces and One Song on Repeat

Everybody Dance Now

Namely, the Scooby Doo theme song. WHY scooby doo WHY?!?

Torture #6: Humiliation Through the Hallways

Look My iPad

That would be when the child strutted down the hallway back to the reception area telling every person in every room we walked by, “Look my ipad! Look my ipad!” Yes, my two-year-old has a five hundred dollar toy. No, she doesn’t. She just think she does. Time to play Daniel Tiger (for one-and-a-half minutes).

Torture #7: Breathing

Breathing doesn’t SOUND like torture, but if you ask a two-year-old to put her mouth around a polish sausage-sized tube (gross analogy, you’re more than welcome) and then plug her nostrils with nose clippers, the little sparkly butterfly on the machinery is not going to have the calming effect you might have suspected it would.

Torture #8: Waiting with Poop

Moment of Poop

“Excuse me, are we next for lab or what? Because my kid needs a diaper change, but I don’t want to lose my place in line, as we have been here for three-and-a-half hours already.”

Receptionist: “Yes, you are next.”

[Lab tech enters reception area.] “Ahmed?”

Gahhhhh.

Torture #9: Blood Draw

Double the torture for the price of one. She squirmed (totes her fault, right? she is TWO!) and so they had to remove the needle and stick her on her other side. Took a whole vial of baby blood. She screamed and cried, “No no no no. Hurt, hurt, hurt!” Saying it was awful does not do the awfulness justice.

What We Have Learned from Torture Session:

– Babies with long eyelashes and double lines under their eyes are more prone to allergies. (???)

– Sigourney is now on more medications than I am.

– I’m supposed to spray into her nose and then have her BLOW HER NOSE twice a day for forever? SHE IS TWO.

– El Poco Loco is a little bit crazy. I think it was like tortilla, cheese, beef, beans, and “gravy.” Cashed in my driver’s license for my free Mexican meal today.

– You’ll never guess how old I am. Except that it is on the front of the card my daughter made me.

34

– The inside of the card depicts Erma drawing a picture on the inside of the card. Kind of mind-blowing for four-year-old art, no?

This Belongs in a Museum

It’s definitely been a birthday I will not forget!

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19 responses to “El Poco Loco

  1. Babies with long eyelashes and double lines under their eyes are more prone to allergies.

    Wait, what?

    Also, I love that first picture. The look on Sigourney’s face is priceless!

    • That’s what Dr. K said. If he wasn’t so reasonable, practical, and knowledgeable about all things related to respiratory systems, I would say that sounds like a bunch of hooey to me, but that’s what he told us.

      I like Sigourney’s M&M goatee.

  2. What a trooper that little girl is!
    Her Mommy too.
    Oh, and happy birthday! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    • She did REALLY great. She charmed the pants off everybody we met at the clinic. When we left, nobody was wearing any pants. HA HA HA HA. Okay, not funny, but it’s been a long day.

      Thanks, Dad. πŸ™‚

  3. Every time someone tells me how long Son’s eyelashes are I’m now going to tell them he’s more prone to allergies. Thank you!

    Also, kudos to her for being such a trooper!

  4. Oh poor thing!! We had to do that last year. Turns out our son ended up having viral asthma. Good as new now. Waiting rooms are the WORST!!!

    • I have never heard of viral asthma. What was the treatment and how long did he have it? Awww. : (

      • He has to take an inhaler every night before bed. If he starts to get a cold then we add the inhaler in the morning. It has been 1.5 years and he hasn’t had any pneumonia, bronchitis, or walking pneumonia. That is huge for us because he was getting sick every couple weeks. Hope your little one is feeling better. πŸ™‚

  5. I love reading these!!!! You are hilarious! and poor little Sidrah Bear 😦 that is so sad!!!!! I need to go visit the center soon, I am coming back next semester but I am moved to the preschool room now.

  6. Just another typical mom-birthday! But the card makes it all worthwhile after such a long day. Your pictures are great. πŸ™‚

  7. Happy birthday! Was it your birthday actually on the 4th? If so, you share it with my son, and someone else’s daughter on whose blog I commented yesterday!

  8. Fortunately, Sigourney will not remember any of this. Just burn this blog before she is old enough to read it. πŸ˜›

  9. That card is amazing! Happy Birthday Mom!
    The poop-diaper-waiting-room thing happens to me alllllll the time. :S sigh.

  10. Happy,Happy, Happy BIRTHDAY!!! Sorry little baby had to go through so much…( and Mommy too)

  11. workingmommawithababy

    Happy Birthday! And your daughter looks like she did great with such a long dr visit! I hope everything gets better for her (and you) soon πŸ™‚

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