Since it is the month of love (Hurry, hurry! Friendship Day is February 14!), I present you with love…of a fish.
- Run up to his bowl and yell, “SURPRISE!” Check to see if he is surprised.
- Put a bridge in his house and ask him to walk across it. When he doesn’t, say it louder. Shout it at him. Why isn’t he listening?!?
- When he swims under the bridge, cheer for him. Say it like you mean it! Say it like a cheerleader! Jump around a bit to show him you care.
- Pick a gravel that is close to a natural color, not lime green or neon pink. He will think he is in a riverbed instead of a pint-sized aquarium.
- Show him how clean your teeth are after you brush them.
- Take him to a restaurant and don’t drop him when you go in the door. (Not dropping him = true love.) Let him watch you eat. Tell him how good the food is.
- Sing him a song about being a fish. The song should only have three notes, so it is more of a chant than a melody.
- Leave the light on for him. In case he wants to read a book.
- Get him a waterproof book. Preferably British literature from the early 19th Century; if not, anything by Lemony Snicket or R.L. Stine.
- Name him after a big red dog.
- When you go to bed, tell him good night. Say, “Good night, Cwiffod. I wuv you.”