Top Eleven Ways to Love Your Fish Without Killing Your Fish

Since it is the month of love (Hurry, hurry! Friendship Day is February 14!), I present you with love…of a fish.

  1. Run up to his bowl and yell, “SURPRISE!” Check to see if he is surprised. clifford3
  2. Put a bridge in his house and ask him to walk across it. When he doesn’t, say it louder. Shout it at him. Why isn’t he listening?!?
  3. When he swims under the bridge, cheer for him. Say it like you mean it! Say it like a cheerleader! Jump around a bit to show him you care.
  4. Pick a gravel that is close to a natural color, not lime green or neon pink. He will think he is in a riverbed instead of a pint-sized aquarium.
  5. Show him how clean your teeth are after you brush them.
  6. Take him to a restaurant and don’t drop him when you go in the door. (Not dropping him = true love.) Let him watch you eat. Tell him how good the food is.
  7. Sing him a song about being a fish. The song should only have three notes, so it is more of a chant than a melody.clifford2
  8. Leave the light on for him. In case he wants to read a book.
  9. Get him a waterproof book. Preferably British literature from the early 19th Century; if not, anything by Lemony Snicket or R.L. Stine.
  10. Name him after a big red dog.
  11. When you go to bed, tell him good night. Say, “Good night, Cwiffod. I wuv you.”



19 responses to “Top Eleven Ways to Love Your Fish Without Killing Your Fish

  1. Gorgeous George and Baby Lulu say hello to Clifford πŸ˜‰

  2. my six bettas and i are excited to see your new betta buddy! he looks like a beautiful healthy half-moon, young, too. you should have him for a few years.

    • I was hoping for a few days, but hey, a few years sounds good, too. I think it is a half-moon. HOW did you know that? Also: please name your fish.

      • my fish are named specter, pineapple, blooey-short-for-paul, margarine, glacier, and tayne. tayne is a visitor i’ve been babysitting for a friend for the past few months. i’d just like to say that clifford has BEAUTIFUL fin and body condition and you seem to have the right sort of tank to keep him that way. i am sure E is responsible enough for him πŸ™‚
        also i’m a giant betta nerd so that’s how i knew.

  3. I have decided we shouldn’t have fish in our house, because there’s no way we could love them this much, bet he LOVES the jumping and shouting. Keep up the good work.

  4. Ah, the fish route is much better than the rabbit route.

  5. I have bad memories of my pet fish when I was a teenager, who would repeatedly escape and flap around on my desk in the middle of the night, freaked me out, I am however considering a pet caterpillar for my boys this summer.

  6. What a good name for a red fish! I went with bishop names for my bettas. And yes, that’s a half-moon, which is fairly common in most pet stores. The fins are shaped like a half moon.

  7. Aw, I’ve been considering a fish. Because I don’t have the energy for anything else and get pissed about the cat I already have. You’ve got me wanting to actually do it now! Maybe for the kids’ birthday this year. πŸ™‚

  8. Pingback: Happy Birthday Clifford |

  9. Pingback: Hey O! |

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