An Open Letter to My Friend Marie

Dear Marie,

Thank you for creating yet another (delicious) box of microwaveable food for me to consume on my lunch break. It was, in fact (delicious).

Here’s the thing. I followed your instructions diligently until I got to step 3.

Thermometer Required

Marie, I’m at work. I don’t have a food thermometer. Frankly, I don’t have one at home either. See? I don’t cook. I microwave stuff. Because it’s easier. It’s supposed to be easier, Marie.

I feel like a small part of you already knew this about me (the laziness and the non-cooking).

Broccoli Cheddar Alfredo Goop

You had to print “for single use only” right on the food container. And then you had to TRANSLATE “for single use only” because someone like me might not realize that single use means it cannot be reused.

And let’s face it: if you have to expressly warn a person that cooked food could be HOT, then you know they aren’t going to know the wattage of their office microwave.

From now on, I would appreciate it very much if you could come to my office with your thermometer and prepare my lunches for me. At $2.50 a pop, I think I have paid for this service.

Your (loyal) customer and (biggest) fan,



8 responses to “An Open Letter to My Friend Marie

  1. Now I thought “for single use only” means “just for one person – no sharing!” No?

  2. As a microwave cook extraordinaire, I think that Marie should include a built-in color-coded “readiness indicator” to resolve this issue.

  3. As your house husband, I am going to “pipe up” here. We do have a food thermometer at home. I got it for baking bread, but it works nicely with meat, casseroles, and even microwave fare. I could get you one for your lunchbox. Friendship Day is approaching, after all.

    • That would be YOUR food thermometer. I have cooked two things at home in the past six months and I’m sure you could tell by looking at the results that there was no temperature reading on the dishes while en-route through the oven.

      Tell me truth, Flathead: have you ever used a thermometer on a microwave meal? Ever???

      • No, I have not. I like my Stouffer’s boiling hot. No need to worry about undercooking after they splatter all over the microwave oven. Besides, most of those meals were overcooked before they were ever frozen for packaging. Nothing could survive those temperature extremes.

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