My Trophy Showcase

Outstanding! I have nominated myself for a whole bunch of new awards, that far surpass the Mother of the Year Award. I think it will be a short while before I hand myself a Lifetime Achievement Award for being a doofus.

And the award for Winter Weather Blunder goes to…

ME! for having the following conversation this morning as I was taking Sigourney to the childcare center:

Sigourney: It cold outside.

Me: Yep.

Sigourney: Why I no have coat on?

Me: *looks at Sigourney in shock and awe*

It was 28 degrees. How did I not notice she wasn’t wearing a coat until we were two steps from inside the building?

And the award for Worst Misuse of Chocolate goes to…

ME! Thinking to myself while eating a granola bar at my desk, “Why is my date stamp stamping brown instead of blue? Oh wait.”

Those 101 forms have never tasted so sweet. You are welcome, Jody!

And the award for Complete and Total Absent-Mindedness goes to…

ME! for taking our anxiety-ridden, squeaky-nosed dog on a shed-filled car ride to the veterinarian yesterday in order to update vaccinations needed to board him this weekend, then losing the tags and paperwork before getting home. I have searched for hours, wasted so much time and frustration looking for something that was put directly into my hand yesterday. I have no recollection whatsoever of my final moments with that dog tag.

Is officially not foaming at his mouth, but a new notation on his medical file says, “Anxiety.” Patient may be difficult.

And the award for Consumption of Food Wrappings goes to…

ME! as I say to myself, “Why does this Rolo taste like foil? Oh wait.”

And the award for Late Night Alertness goes to…

ME! for not being able to differentiate the sound of whistling through my nose from the sound of a child crying. “Is that a kid? Is a kid awake? It’s 1 a.m. Why is there a kid awake? … Oh wait. It’s my nose.”

Erma finds these awards surprising. Or she hears her sister talking to one of her mittens: “You stay on my tummy. You. Stay. On. My. Tummy. Mr. Mitten!!!!”

I am going to need a new display case for all of the trophies I keep giving myself. Yay me!


5 responses to “My Trophy Showcase

  1. You are hilarious! I win the award for “Living Person Acting Most Like a Cartoon” for hitting myself in the face with a frying pan. I had just washed it and was going to give it the sniff test but it was heavier than I thought. It truly did make a “Gonngggg” sound. Just like the cartoons.

  2. Leave room on that shelf for your Daughter-of-the-Year award! There is no better daughter in the world than you!

  3. I think this what they call “Mother Brain”. I know I suffer from it too. I love your sense of humor about it all!!!

  4. Oh, Silly, you make me laugh! The nose whistling put me over the edge.

  5. workingmommawithababy

    Award for best post about awesome trophies goes to you, too! 😀

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