You Can’t Eat Money But You CAN Throw It Away

Ah, these are the dog days of me and The White Car.

This afternoon I did this half-hearted thing I do when my gas tank is being filled: I washed my windows with the dirty squeegy thingy; then, when the pump clicks off, I hurry to finish the windows and don’t squeegy off the excess water-filth.

By the time I got home, I could not see out of the passenger side of the windshield.

“Girls*,” I said, “I will pay you a dollar if you wash my car windows.”

“WHOA.” “WOW.” “A DOLLAR!” they shrieked. “Can we wash the rest of the car, too?”

Knock yourselves out, I told them, but I’m only paying one dollar, and I’m not paying anything if you argue while you’re doing it.

Miraculously, they washed the windows and the car without arguing. I paid them each their dollar and we discussed what a kid could do with a whole dollar.

After assuring Sigourney that yes, you can fold a dollar, no you cannot eat a dollar (“it’s dirty,” I told her, to which she agreed, “yeah, it fell in the MUD and now it’s MUDmoney”), I attempted to explain about going to the store and trading the dollar for something else, such as:

  • A small apple
  • Three or four bananas
  • A small bag of cotton balls
  • A tiny notebook (memo pad)
  • 100 pencils if you go into Office Max 4 different times and buy the maximum limit of 25 pencils for 1 cent each
  • A small pack of crayons
  • A few stickers
  • A cup of rice (white or brown)

“Or how about chocolate?!?” suggested Erma.

“Well, you might be able to buy a LITTLE chocolate for a dollar. Not a LOT of chocolate. But wouldn’t it be better to buy an apple?”

We both knew it wouldn’t be better. Because chocolate is chocolate. And secretly, I was kind of proud of her for wanting to use her money for chocolate. That seemed like such a sillyliss thing to do that she suddenly seemed like my child. (Which she is anyway.)

And then Sigourney wanted to turn her dollar into chocolate right now, which didn’t work out the way she hoped. She later tried to buy more dessert with her dollar, which also didn’t work out.

I heard a rumor that they are going to use their dollars to buy doughnuts and eat them in the park tomorrow. Now that’s money well spent.


*which I only call them when my mother isn’t around


6 responses to “You Can’t Eat Money But You CAN Throw It Away

  1. Aw, go on. You can call them girls. I find myself doing it now, too!

  2. Oh how I miss when having a dollar was exciting. Now you can’t even buy something from the dollar store, because of tax and all.

    Where on earth can you buy several bananas for a dollar? Here you can buy two, one at manipulative stores like Starbucks.

    Also, I’m wondering why you don’t call them “girls” in front of your mother. What did I miss?

    • I guess they are teeny tiny bananas. Okay, confession time: I haven’t bought bananas in years. Possibly in over a decade. Possibly ever. Z/Flathead/the husband does the grocery shopping.

      My mom and her sister were called “the girls” growing up and my mom said she felt like her mother didn’t give them their own identities. Or I got that all wrong, possibly, but it (used to, apparently) bothered her when I call my girls girls. THEY HAVE NAMES. Sigourney and Erma. Although, actually, those aren’t their names. Those are lies. 🙂

      • Ahh, well we call Nate’s oldest two “the gingers,” and they seem fine with it=] haha

        And lying is perfectly fine with me — the only “real” names on my blog are my own and my mother’s. Everyone else’s are fake names to protect their privacy, but it’s not really hard to figure out who’s who so I’m not quite sure why I do it. Haha

  3. You got it. However, with my daughter having 2 girls and my son having 2 boys, the girls and the boys works better than anything else. Nevertheless, let’s always remember they each have their own very special names and personalities. Each one is special and unique. My heart bursts with love.

  4. As much as I love chocolate, I’m so impressed you can get a pencil for only one cent, I’d go with that option.

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