Tag Archives: music

Shake It Off

A lot of things have changed since I was in elementary school. My Chicken is teaching me all kinds of new things.

The first thing she is teaching me is bus music. We didn’t have bus music when I was a kid. The combustible engine hadn’t been invented yet. And neither had the wheel. Or at least, the bus drivers were these super strict old ladies who stopped the bus and started screaming at us in Southern accents that we needed to “quit it” whatever “it” was or the bus would not be taking us home that day. That was the melody of our bus rides.

Chickie’s bus rides are totally different. The kids are sharing snacks, they’re licking the walls, they’re listening to bus music.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re imagining a gaggle of kids in harmony, striking up tunes like, “The Wheels on the Bus,” or — more risque — “Hail to the Bus Driver.”

But what they are actually listening to is Beyonce and Big Sean and someone whose name cannot be said aloud because it is comprised entirely of punctuation marks. When she started singing “Mother Vase” out of the blue one day, I decided it was time to see what these songs are about — and ensuring that little Chick does NOT know what these songs are about.

We made a list of her favorite bus songs and youtubed them.

  • Animals – Maroon 5
  • Stay with Me – Sam Smith
  • Don’t – Ed Sheeran
  • One More Night – Maroon 5
  • Get Lucky – Daft Punk
  • Daylight – Maroon 5
  • Firework – Katy Perry
  • Maps – Maroon 5
  • Stay High – Tove Lo

We even made a CD of bus songs so we could listen to bus songs in the car. (The fact that I am still burning CDs may have proven my senior status.)

I did not teach them to pose like that.

A few days go by and my Chickadee thinks I’m some kind of miracle worker who can youtube any song she has on her mind. She asks me if I can find the name of a song she has stuck in her head. I say, sure. (I’m kind of a big deal.) (That’s the slogan of the zoo crew on the Bus station, BIG 98.7 FM.)

So she says, “It goes NA NA NA — NA NA NA.” She looks at me.  “Can you find it?”

Riiiiiight.

Here’s what we know: It’s not Roxette, which, in my realm is the only good NA NA song.

Now I turn to the People of the Internet. Can you tell me the name of the NA NA NA song? Can you tell me the name of any NA NA NA song? You could win lunch with Pike, Jesse, and Amanda in the morning. But only if you’re caller 10.

Advertisements

I Can Still Hear Her Complain

We are driving home from preschool/work, listening to the Classic Rock station, when Sigourney asks me in quiet contemplation:

“Mom, if he loved her, why did he have to kill her?”

That is a very interesting question, I told her.

I discreetly switched stations.

“Mom? Why does she work hard for the money?”

Um? So you’ll treat her right?

Radio off.

Sweet Child O Mine

Every morning at preschool, drop-off is the same.

  • Sigourney and I have a great ride to preschool
  • We have a mature conversation about something (“I see da moon. Moon is always out, even in day time.” “I go to pweschool because I’m a big kid.” “It’s a wittle cold out this mowning. I have a jacket, so I am nice and cozy!” etc.)
  • We go into Preschool and wash hands.
  • We play a game.
  • I tell her I have to leave, and she cries.

We’ve got such a reputation going, that I have IN FACT heard that other parents, upon seeing us arrive, scurry out the door with hasty good-byes, lest their children breathe Sigourney’s air and turn their delightful have-a-great-days and I-love-you’s into an 80’s song (minus the L’s and R’s).

 

At the end of the day, Sigourney’s tune is always: “I had fun at pweschool. I love my fwiends.”

The following morning she always tells me on the ride to school, “I gonna cwy when you leave.”

And she does.

Roll Him Home and Lock the Door

There are a lot of strange nursery songs out there: putting your baby to bed in a tree (thought about trying it); buying your baby a bunch of junk to pacify him (if only an ox-and-cart would make them sleep!); killing roosters in honor of pajama-clad guests on horseback; etc.

But the drunken pervert in Knick Knack Paddywack takes it a step too far.

thisoldman

That Angsty Toddler Music Scene

The kids these days really don’t know anything about good music. This morning, I listened to some of the worst melody/lyric composition I have ever heard in my whole life. It went a little something like this:

I want my daddy!
I don’t want you!
I want my daddy!
I want out da car!
I want daddy take me to school!
I don’t like you!
I want my daddy!

badmusic

And it was long. Like Metallica long. Like Pink Floyd long. Like Meatloaf long. Looong.

I named the song “Pitchfork to My Soul.”

I’m going to listen to it again on the way home.

The Flower Song

Parenthood has brought me to the boundaries of bribery I never thought I would reach. “I’ll play E-I-E-I-O if you get in the car and get buckled,” I say after picking Sigourney up from childcare. This is the fifth or sixth bribe in the same number of minutes. “We can go home and see Daddy if you put your coat on.” “If you want to have dinner, you better put your mittens on.” “Get in your seat if you want to look at the book.” And in the end: “SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW SO I CAN BUCKLE YOU. IT IS 12 DEGREES AND MOMMY IS COLD!” Which is not so much a bribe as an ambiguous threat/frantic plea.

“I no want E-I-E-I-O,” Sigourney says in her whiniest possible voice. “I want Flowah Song.”

“Other song?” I switch to the next song. “This other song?”

ponchoNo. NO. FLOWAH SONG!”

“Flower song?”

“Yeah. Yeah! Flowah Song!”

I made the mix CD we are listening to. There is no Flower Song.

We skip from song to song while Sigourney skips from impatient to frustrated to angry. “NOOOO! Dat not flowah song!”

Thirty-three songs later we get to the Flower Song. Its formal name is, “Do Your Ears Hang Low?” There is no reference to flowers in the song.

This is the slow path to insanity.

In other news, Sigourney knows her colors now! Well — except for red, blue, and green. And purple.

ponchoplural

La vida loca!

Sage Advice from Daniel Tiger

Some friendly advice from your good neighbor in the land of Make-Believe:

When you feel so mad that you want to ROAR, take a deep breath and count to four: 1…2…3…4.

When you have to go potty, stop and go right away. Flush and wash and be on your way.

When you wait, you can play — sing or imagine anything.

Friends help each other. Yes, they do; it’s true.

When something seems bad, turn it around and find something good.

When we do something new, let’s talk about what we’ll do.

This Provincial Life

I am so good to my child. Case in point: I took Erma to see Beauty and the Beast the Musical tonight. Even the nosebleed seats were pretty insanely priced (for Fargo), and it was a weeknight.

Is There a Stage Down There?

But these are the types of sacrifices a person makes for her child. A person like me. *halo*

Oh, yeah, the Dippin’ Dots were a big sacrifice, too. I had banana split flavor.

Dippin Dots Sugar High

We left after we were their guest. At least we stayed awake for the important parts!

Tale as Old as Time

T-Shirts for America!

In honor of American’s 236th birthday, I present to you something more American than apple pie: my t-shirt collection.

The essence of America is punk rock, Jazzercise, and men who aren’t afraid to wear sequins. Also, this is the end-all and be-all of my t-shirt collection. What is it about t-shirts? I never wear them. Ever.

If that’s not America enough for you, how about these girls?

Red-white-and-blue popsicles. You know you’re not in France, Australia, or Norway when you see these three colors together. Am I right or am I right?

Happy birthday, America! You are still just a toddler of a nation, having your temper tantrums when you don’t get your way, always wanting the opposite of what is good for you, and never ever ever ever ever letting anybody get enough sleep at night.

They Paved the Parking Lot and Put Up a Parking Lot

I think we have officially run out of paradises to pave, as evidenced by the fact that we are now tearing up parking lots to build parking lots.

Maybe I’m just jealous of the ten new spots being created and the fact that I still have to walk a mile from the employee parking lot to my building. Heh.